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Sex in Pregnancy

We know we need to have lots of it to conceive and let's face it, we don't have much of it in the early days with a newborn, but what about that in-between bit....during pregnancy? Here we answer all those niggling questions about what's normal and what's not in the wonderful world of pregnancy sex...

 

So is it okay to have sex during pregnancy?

If you're having a normal pregnancy, there's no reason why you can't continue to enjoy the regular sex you had pre-conception. Many parents to be (especially dads!) worry that it could damage the foetus in some way or that it simply 'feels' wrong, but in reality, your baby is well protected by the amniotic sac and the super-strong muscles of the uterus which only start to soften during the final stages of pregnancy and labour. There's also a thick mucus plug that sits across the entrance to the cervix that protects the baby from infection. This is what might be later known as a 'show' in the early stages of labour when it comes away in preparation for baby's arrival. 

So, the short answer is yes, it's okay to have sex throughout a normal pregnancy and no, your partner cannot damage your baby in any shape or form!

Are there any reasons NOT to have sex in pregnancy?

If you've suffered a string of concurrent miscarriages or have a health problem that could affect the development of your baby, your GP or midwife may advise not to have sex for a while until they can be sure that the foetus is and will continue to develop healthily. There are other risk factors which may mean refraining from sex including:

 unexplained bleeding or stomach cramps

premature contractions that might indicate an early delivery (or indeed if you have a history of pre-term babies)

multiple pregnancies (with twins, triplets or more)

placenta previa (where the placenta sits low and covers the opening to the uterus)

you or your partner have an active sexually transmitted disease (having sex will more than likely transfer this to the baby)

incompetent cervix (the cervix weakens and opens prematurely leading to a risk of premature labour - your doctor may advise putting a few stitches in place to lessen the risk of this happening)

Your feelings and emotions

Many women find that their desire for sex decreases/increases at different times throughout the trimesters. It's common for women to want sex less during the first trimester as this is usually a time when miscarriages are more likely to occur or foetal abnormalities are recognised. It's also prime time for pregnancy sickness so you might feel like putting sex on the back-burner for a while until those nauseating feelings pass. Likewise,  hormonal fluctuations and Pregnancy symptoms like leg cramps, breast tenderness, tiredness and frequent trips to the loo aren't exactly a good mood-setter for sex!

Energy levels can soar in the second trimester and as a result, mums to be often feel the desire to have sex more frequently, whilst the last trimester can pose positioning problems as your baby gets even bigger and fills up any remaining space! You might feel nervous about the impending birth or completely pre-occupied with the thought of becoming a new parent which can also affect your libido in those last and final stages of pregnancy.     

We've not done anything in nearly 4 weeks now anyway because my placenta is over my cervix so my other half is getting a little frustrated! I've quite enjoyed the break actually as he has a *very* high sex drive and I don't particularly. I guess we'll need to experiment a bit when we get the all clear.

Nichola H

A dad's view

It's common for expectant dad's to go off sex during pregnancy. Many see it as their job to protect you and the baby growing inside of you, so they may well decide to put sex on the shelf for a while until they adjust to your growing, changing body. On the flip side, he may see you as a total goddess and find your ever changing body a complete turn on, resulting in a stronger desire for sex and a need to express his love intimately.

Whatever the scenario, pregnancy often brings couples closer together as they share their excitement of baby's arrival and their impending role as parents, in fact the overwhelming feeling of expecting a baby (especially for first time parents) can sometimes over-ride the importance of anything else going on in life, including sex.   

Keep talking

 Sex is an important part of many couple's relationships so when it changes in pattern and frequency as a result of fluctuating desires, it can affect people in different ways. The best advice is to keep communication levels to a maximum - talk about your feelings and attitude to sex and ask your partner how he feels about it too.

Fact is, when your little bundle arrives in the world you'll be craving a few decent hours of blissful uninterrupted sleep (as opposed to each other) so sex will, for a short while, become something you try to fit in as opposed to spontaneous sessions in the sack. Cuddles, kisses and long chats can be just as loving and intimate as the real deal so make the most of these until you're both ready to resume your normal sex life.   

Sex after birth

Women who have given birth may feel battered and bruised for a few weeks after, so it's essential for both of you to relax and be patient, safe in the knowledge that your love life will eventually resume it's pre-baby pattern. You might feel more comfortable getting the green light from your GP at your 6 week check but it really depends on you as a couple, some will wait a couple of weeks, others months or anything up to a year... 

If you needed an episiotomy and stitches after the birth or had an assisted delivery with forceps or ventouse, you might find sex more comfortable and enjoyable if you've given yourself time to heal. Additionally, tiredness and the responsibility of caring for a newborn can destroy the desire to have sex, whilst many women find they feel completely un-sexy and simply don't feel like doing it. To help get you both back on track, give yourself time, keep communication open and eat lots of nutritious food to boost your energy levels. Once you feel ready to try sex again, pick a time when you're likely to be less tired, perhaps during baby's nap or in the early evening after they've settled down for night time. 

Here's what some Netmums think:

I say as long as you feel comfortable go for it! I resumed activities at around 6 weeks but my docs don't do any postnatal checks so it didn't really matter. What I will say though is go slow as it can hurt like hell if you've had stitches - always make sure they are healed before you have sex as it can re-open the wound if its not healed properly. Other than that enjoy yourself!

Tracy G

I think it's only natural to feel nervous and worry about having a 'baby belly'. Myself and OH didn't do anything for months after our little one was born for those reasons..I was so scared, then one day we just did it and it was okay ( I think!)

Nasreen H

I was back in the sack four weeks after William and three after Alex although I think that was too soon as I bled a lot afterwards. I think it depends on the person and if you and your body are ready (your body will soon let you know if its too soon). I remember my midwife saying that there is no set time limit for it, just be aware you are more fertile in the months following the birth.

Charlene M
 

  

What do you think? Join the discussion and chat to other mums about sex during and after pregnancy.

Expecting a baby? Join our antenatal clubs! They're the best way to share info, gain advice and make new friends.

 

 

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