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Supporting sufferers

 
If you are the husband, family member, or a friend of someone with postnatal depression...

 

 

 

  •   Please make sure that the Mum who isn't well (your wife / partner / daughter / sister / friend) sees a sympathetic doctor. If necessary go with her and ensure she tells the doctor the full problem.
  • Many mums put a brave face on things as they worry that they will be judged to be a bad mother.
  • Please remember that this is an illness, as much so as a broken arm. She cannot help it, or "pull her self together" however much she tries or may want to.
  • Listen to her as much as you can. Ask her about her thoughts and feelings.
  • You can't offer a solution or a "fix" but just listening and maybe hugging and reassuring her is hugely important.
  • Try and be sympathetic even if it is boring to listen to the same thoughts and emotions over and over again.
  • There will be lots of good days and bad days. Help as much as you can with practical stuff but also let her do as much as she wants to. Leave her role in the home as open for her as possible so she doesn't feel she is a failure and you are taking over.
  • Don't push her to do things or go places that she feels uncomfortable with.
  • Let her lead the way and set the pace.
  • She may hate being left alone, especially in the early days. Try and rally family and friends so there is always someone with her that she is comfortable with. If you don't have family and friends nearby there are organisations who can help (click here)
  • Arrange to take the baby and/or other children out some times, say Saturday mornings, and suggest she spends the time doing something just for her. A long bath, a massage, a hair appointment.
  • Reassure and remind her - and yourself - that the support she gets will help her recover.
  • You will get the old her back...be patient.

 

Postscript....

Some fathers find that they too suffer from postnatal illness - it's not uncommon and it's a medical condition and not a result of a personal weakness, so nothing to be ashamed about. It is important that you too seek medical advice if you think you might be affected..

 

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