Bullying

In this section...

Upset Boy It used to be the case that children were told 'it's just a part of growing up' or 'you've just got to learn to stand up to them'...but anyone who's been bullied knows how impossible it is, how unfair, how all-consuming it can be, how it affects the way in which you view yourself and the world. And it doesn't always stop when you leave school. We can be bullied at work, or even by our partners... all the more reason to teach our children what is acceptable and what isn't, and what they should do about it if they are struggling - and most importantly, make sure that our schools do something about it too.

These few pages will give you lots of ideas on how to help your child, how to work with the school and where to go to get additional advice if you need it. Click on the links on the right to read further.

What is bullying?

If someone is horrible to you once or twice, you probably wouldn't call it bullying, but if it happens repeatedly, then it certainly is. It's not always aggressive and not always physical. Teasing, name calling, or excluding people is all bullying too when it hurts someone and it keeps happening.

As it continues, sadly the person on the receiving end can find it harder and harder to deal with it - they are truly victims, and their loss of self-esteem can make them more open to further bullying.

That's why, as a parent, when it gets really bad and you say 'right that's enough, we'll have to change schools' it's sometimes not the solution. Your child who can be bubbly and confident and home or with friends, will feel nervous going into a new school and the bullies soon pick up on that, so it starts over again. That's not to say that a change of environment should never be considered - but look at all the other ways in which you can work with your child and their school to start with. Most importantly, we hope these pages help you so you don't get to that stage at all.

Real-life experiences

Charlotte, aged 7 says: "I didn't like going to school because I had to sit next to her, so it was all through the day and not just at playtimes. When she pinched me in class it made me cry. I used to pretend I was rubbing my eyes so people couldn't see me crying. Children can feel bad or upset often without other people realising and they try to keep their heads down at that time, so you need to talk to children to see if they are upset or happy."

Chris says: "It's been so hard to accept that I can't fight my daughter's battles for her, much as I have wanted to. Much as I have agonised over it I know I have to let her find her own way. What I can do is be there for her whenever she needs to talk and to (hopefully) give her the tools to deal with this girl. I have explained to her that it's H's problem not hers.

I have done all I can to build up her self confidence and self esteem. I've suggested that she doesn't rise to H's comments because hopefully if she gets no response eventually H will tire of trying to make mischief. It's difficult to know what to do because the bullying is relatively discreet, subtle and low key. She may not do physical harm but it's bullying nonetheless. If she doesn't get her own way she lashes out verbally and she certainly doesn't do it in front of adults"

Helping your child

Working with the school

Where you can get further help

Chat to other Netmums about bullying